today.

today was a day.
I performed my scene from West Side Story for the first time today in musical scene study. I'm Anita... which I would never ever ever be cast as, but that was the point. I've really been challenged here at CAP with roles that I wouldn't be typecast as. Which is exactly what I wanted. Its forcing me to work on the things I'm not good at, like making big physical choices and being aggressive and commanding a stage. I'm working on pieces that force me to do this in my acting, musical scene study, and vocal performance classes. It's really hard. And I frustrate myself easily because I can so clearly and easily THINK the thoughts these characters would think. But to DO the actions they would do HOW they would do them is the challenging part for me. Why can't I embody Anita, and be strong, aggressive, and commanding? Why won't my body cooperate with my head? Why do I internalize everything?
Ugh. Anyway. My self-doubting rant is over. I know that I can't just snap my fingers and get it. I know that it takes hard work and practice and focus and guts. And I'm trying to do just that. I'm trying to kick the doubting and self-depricating thoughts out of my head. Trying to GET OUT OF MY HEAD in general. I don't always succeed, but I've had a few moments of small victory. I hope that it only gets better.

ANYWAY.

I only have 7 days of class left. 10 more days in NY. 1 more full weekend. 2 or 3 times in each class. Whoa.

lessons I learned today:
--Connecting to my body through my breath is a powerful tool. It's an exercise we do in several of my classes, and I'm just now starting to see why. I will do this everyday.
--Lloyd told me my really expensive La Duca dance shoes might be too big?! WHAT?! I hope he's wrong. I hope they don't stretch too much.
--I need a stage name. Dang it.